It is 2023 and I haven’t written an entry here for a while. I have been with my partner Edrian for 6 years now and in recovery from my eating disorder for 7 years. I went to rehab, graduated college and have worked in a psychiatric unit and currently at a rape recovery center.
I struggle with realizing that I have come a far way. As I sit here and read the older entries I wrote, it really shocks me. I am a different person now and I do not thrive on angst, drama, trauma or denial. I am 60 pounds heavier but 100 percent healthier mentally. Tytus my ex was not my end all, be all. I put him on a pedestal which I never should have done.
I do not write anymore, I do not write poems or blog entries when my life gets hard. I just cry, talk about it and keep going. Maybe that is apart of maturing/ becoming older though? I am almost 25. I am not a 15 year old girl anymore who was stuck in an abusive relationship and was romanticizing it so that I could find some type of art or meaning in it. My dad is still somehow alive and I am still here. Even after so many things that have happened. My brothers are alcoholics, one of my brothers got arrested, my partner cheated on me, my dad is still abusive, my parents get older every time I see them, I have no friends from my past.
But,
I graduated college, I am still in recovery, my partner and I work through things in couples counseling, my dad sometimes listens to my boundaries, my siblings and I speak again, I lived alone and now I live with my partner, I have 5 cats, I run 4 grant funded programs and do public speaking, I have a few close friends who genuinely care for me.
I’ve kept growing
